I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
