Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
