in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
