I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
