butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize