so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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