Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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