My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
