So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
