the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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