this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When did angry sex become our thing?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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