Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
