hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
