afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize