God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize
