He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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