I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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