Don't you send me to vm
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
