The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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