She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
