remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
