how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
