So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
