just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
