i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
