hell yes lets make some ravioli
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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