so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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