i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
