When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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