Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
