just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize