Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
