Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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