If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
