Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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