Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
