i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
