I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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