he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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