had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
