why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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