is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
