Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
