My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
