I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
