Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
