508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Someone shit on the floor
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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