It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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