You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
