is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
