remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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