hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
