And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
