please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
