yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
