Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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