She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
