even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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