this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
