its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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