the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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