My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
