The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize