who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
