Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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