He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
