I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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