Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
