What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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