Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
