What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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