My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
