I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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