i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
