Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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