just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
